


Kiss and make out

by maxenlex



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys Being Boys, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mentions of Jessica Davis - Freeform, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Tension, mentions of Winston Williams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25886653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxenlex/pseuds/maxenlex
Summary: Zach sat on the edge of the bed next to him.  His eyes fixed on the ocean eyes of the shorter one.  — I said I would do anything for you man, and you know I'm open-minded so it doesn't bother me.  I also understood why you want to do it and I am glad that you trust me even to ask me this.or where Zach accept to make out with Alex to help him with his sexuality discovery. Or at least, that was the supposed reason.(placed on s04, some days after the rooftop kiss)
Relationships: Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 15
Kudos: 101





	1. A big deal

**Author's Note:**

> So I read in a social media some days ago someone shared this SS that said "Very gay mate of mine asked very nicely if we could make out for a bit. I'm pretty open minded and he did ask nicely" and well thanks to that, this fic was born hehe.
> 
> Sorry in advance if something is wrong or weird in my redaction, english isn't my first language

— What the hell man? — Justin said, with a smile on his face, settling in his bed while he threw grapes into a bucket that was on Clay's empty bed. It seemed that this game had already become customary when he hung out with Zach in his room.

— What? — the black haired boy said. He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the side of Justin's bed. He took a grape and threw it into the bucket, putting it in and giving a concise "Yes" with an arm movement of victory.

— _What?_ — Justin repeated — You just told me that you and Alex kissed, not once but twice, and you ask me _what?_ ?

— That's because it wasn't a big deal. — Zach made a "never mind" gesture with his hand.

— It wasn't? Well I think it is a big deal.

Zach groaned — I shouldn't have told you. It was nothing.

Justin put his head at the same level of Zach's and kept his eyes on him, pretty close.

Zach glanced at him, rolling his eyes. — You're being so creepy right now man — he said smiling a bit. And after a sigh, he began. — The first time it was just a quick kiss, a peck kind of kiss, I suppose generated by the adrenaline of the moment. We were on a rooftop you know? He almost fell and I pulled him back from the ledge. We were kind of terrified but laughing at the same time, shit kinda happened ... and he kissed me.

Justin was listening, looking at Zach who was still on the floor looking at a random spot on the wall across the room. Justin's eyes were widened more from the story of Alex almost falling from a fucking building than from the story of them kissing actually.

— The second time ... we kind of made out but-

— What? Do you mean, like, with tongue and everything? — Justin interrupted.

— Yeah.

— So ... I mean, I won't ask about Alex because I've seen him hanging out with Winston lately and I already suspected about them, not like that's my business or anything, either is you, but are you-?

— Shit I didn't mean to out him — Zach cursed almost whispering — And nah. I'm not gay. — he answered with a confident tone in his voice, not even letting Justin end his question.

— It's ok if you are Zach. I mean, gay, bi, pan or whatever ...

— Yes i know, but I'm not. I'm not into guys. — Zach kept with his eyes on the wall, throwing grapes to the bucket. Not putting in as many as he was doing minutes ago.

— Well, I mean, I'm not attracted to guys either ... that's why I don't make out with them ... that's how it works.

— First of all, Alex isn't just "a guy", he's my friend. And it wasn't like that. I told you, it wasn't a big deal.

— How the hell making out with someone, sorry, with Alex, your friend, while being sober isn't a big deal? 

— Look, It was a few days after the kiss he gave me on the rooftop. I think he had been talking to Tony and asking him questions but he was still very unsure of what he felt. And well, one day we were in his room hanging out. Maybe I had brought some beers ... And at one point he asked me if we could make out, and since I'm very open-minded and Alex asked me so kindly I accepted ...

* * *

**Some days ago in Alex's room**

Alex was laying on his bed after having beaten Zach's ass in the racing video game they used to play often when they were hanging out. He had also drunk a couple of cans of beer that his friend had brought and to his surprise, Zach hadn't drunk not even one.

Zach for his part was in the desk chair, his chair since he had started hanging out with the blonde boy. One of Alex's guitars on his lap, playing some soft melody that popped in his head and babbling the lyrics. Alex played his guitar almost never since the day he woke up from the coma, and considering that Zach had developed a taste for the guitar in recent years, Alex didn't mind Zach using them. Not only he didn't mind, but he liked Zach playing tunes in his room when they were hanging out. It reminded him of times when he himself would spend hours learning songs or inventing melodies. Besides the fact that when Zach was entertained with his guitars he didn't drink how he used to lately. So it was definitely a good thing for both of them.

Alex felt so comfortable with Zach's presence, even if they weren't talking, just keeping company, it all felt so effortless, so right. Zach always seemed to be the right person for everything. To save his life, to share secrets, to have embarrassing moments, to kiss. He rubbed his eyes with his thin fingers and then observed a fixed point on the ceiling of his room. His thoughts lately weren't leaving him alone. Alex has been a bit attracted to Zach for quite some time. Well, actually say "a bit attracted" is an understatement of the reality that it was to be next to Zach all day, to have had a fucking erection thanks to him and to have kissed him for the supposed adrenaline of the moment. That kiss was the key moment for Alex to finally admit that he was not as straight as he thought.

Yet everything was still so new in his head, so confusing. Zach was the first and only boy he had ever been attracted to. He tried to get rid of some of his doubts by asking Tony, but honestly it didn't help much, Tony hadn't gone into detail as he would have liked. He also didn't want to tell Tony that he liked guys when he didn't know it yet or wasn't even ready to say it out loud.

He had meticulously observed the boys at school these last few days, and came to the surprising conclusion that he found some boys attractive and would be able to kiss them as he had done with Zach. However, that still didn't clarify anything. The kiss he gave Zach was something like a peck. And he had kissed various girls that way in the past and wasn't necessarily attracted to them. He had kissed Hannah that way for example, and yet he wasn't attracted to her. You can even give a peck to a puppy. It doesn't mean much.

Alex needed to kiss a boy, for real, to know if he really feels something inside him, if the contact of lips and tongue warmed his cheeks and maybe turned him on. But he was afraid. Alex didn't know any gay boys at school other than Tony, who had a boyfriend, and Ryan, who had graduated, to experiment. It also wasn't like he was necessarily attracted to Tony or Ryan because they were gay. For some reason, they weren't his type. Nor did he feel comfortable going to a gay bars or clubs on his own to find a date. Alex wasn't a party boy so he didn't even know how to flirt at a party either, something that would turn it into a totally awkward situation.

That is why his head made very logical the idea of asking Zach to help him. Zach again seemed to be the right person. He could have blamed the couple of beers he had drunk but the truth is that he had been thinking that since he kissed him for the first time on the rooftop. Zach was the only one so far who knew of his confusing situation and wasn't going to judge him. Zach was the person he trusted the most and he knew that this wouldn't leave the room whether it worked or not. Not to mention he indeed was already a bit attracted to Zach. 

Alex rested his hands on the mattress and on impulse sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed. He rested his ocean blue eyes on Zach for a few minutes, in silence as the other continued to play a melody he knew. He observed the rebel black bangs that always fell on his tan forehead, his cute asian eyes, his lips as he babbled, his strong arms where the guitar was placed and his long fingers that moved with confidence on the strings. Alex swallowed hard. He was definitely attracted to Zach, like, a lot, not a bit. But he needed that next step to know if things would work out between him and a boy in that way, kissing and stuff.

Zach felt Alex's gaze on him so he looked him back, a small smile on his face, stopping his fingers and resting his hands on the guitar. — What?

Alex looked away when he was spotted by Zach's eyes. His cheeks were heated by nerves. — Agh, just thinking how to kill myself after hearing that awful note man.

Zach rolled his eyes. He didn't like that kind of jokes Alex used to make a lot lately, but he knew that these were just jokes and it was Alex's kind of humour to prevent people pitying him because he tried to kill himself in the past. — Ha ha, very funny. — he said, giving Alex a sweet sarcastic smile. — What were you thinking tho? Like, for real, I know that face of yours ...

— Nothing — Alex's smile disappeared.

Zach pinned his eyes on Alex's, his eyebrows raised. Now he wanted to know. — Come on man.

Alex gave an uncomfortable groan. — I want to ask you something but ... it probably sounds very weird and embarrassing.

Zach shot him an incredulous look — Are you serious? Embarrassing? I bet you've done worse.

Alex half smiled. Alex knew what Zach meant by that rhetorical question. They'd already slowly danced together, he'd had an erection with him, they'd talked about erections multiple times, and he'd kissed him. It seemed that nothing could be more embarrassing between them because they had already been through so much together.

— Come on Alex, talk to me. You know I'd do anything for you.

— Yes I know. I'd do anything for you too.

— So?

— Look ... you are my best friend, the person I trust the most and since the day I kissed you, even though we haven't talked about it, you should know that I may be attracted to boys ... — Zach nodded without interrupting — But I'm still, like, very confused with my sexuality. I tried talking to Tony but it doesn't really clarify my ideas much and there is no gay or bi boy that I know or feel attracted to experience with ...

— Have you tried to see what happens when you watch ... gay porn? — Zach asked slowly.

— Of course I did, but that didn't clarify anything either.

— You didn't like it?

— Yes, I liked it, but I also kind of enjoy straight porn and lesbian porn, but that doesn't make me a lesbian — he smiled — or a hundred per cent straight person, right?

— Yeah, I understand ... — Zach said, his face a little more serious. He really understood to what point Alex wanted to get to but he was also afraid to know what Alex wanted to ask him to do. The fact is, Zach would do anything for his friend but he had his limits. He was just hoping it has nothing to do with sex. — ... So what do I have to do with all this? What do you want to ask me?

— Would you make out with me? — Alex blurted out but immediately realized that once the words had materialized, the idea had sounded much weirder and more far-fetched than he thought. Everything except logical.

— What? — Zach raised his eyebrows in surprise.

— No, nothing, sorry, it's too weird I know ... — The blonde put his hands on his face, embarrassed. — It's that literally I don't know who else could be, and in my head it sounded logical.

— No, no, I mean, it's a little weird, but i mean ... didn't we already kiss ...? Didn't you feel anything with it?

— Yes, but it wasn't technically a _real_ kiss, it was a peck and I'm not sure if what I felt wasn't a mixture with the adrenaline of almost falling from a building and you saving me, you know? The feeling of a kiss isn't the same as the feeling of making out. You can kiss anyone, and don't get me wrong, you aren't "anyone", that's why I'm asking you this, like, you make out with who you are attracted to — "And you know that I am attracted to you", Alex failed to say, but he preferred to shut his mouth and stop making that situation even more embarrassing.

Silence.

Zach's face looked thoughtful, like he was figuring out how to do things right.

— But forget it, Zach. Honestly. It's super weird and stupid. Pretend I didn't ask you for anything please and turn the console back on, let's play again. — Alex said nervously. If he was the one in Zach's room he definitely would go home in that exact moment. But since Zach was the one in his room, he couldn't just kick him out, so pretending nothing happened seemed to be the smartest option.

Zach put the guitar down beside him. He stood up and walked over to Alex. He sat on the edge of the bed next to him. His eyes fixed on those of the shorter one. — I said I would do anything for you man, and you know I'm open-minded so it doesn't bother me. I also understood why you want to do it and I am glad that you trust me even to ask me this.

Alex had his eyes wide. Even if he had been thinking about this moment days ago, the fact that Zach agreed and was about to materialize made his heart race. — So ...

Zach just nodded and leaned over Alex. He noticed how his friend didn't expect this response from him and he surely felt insecure in taking the initiative considering what happened on the rooftop. He wanted Alex to feel good even if it was just a favor. Zach believes Alex is absurdly handsome and any boy would want to be with him. Even Zach himself being straight - or at least apparently - was mildly attracted to his friend. He didn't want Alex to feel insecure or not wanted just because of the akward first gay experience he had had because of "his fault". Zach knew that wasn't his duty or something like that, but he wasn't doing it out of pity, he was doing it because he loved Alex so much and really wanted to help him find out who he likes.

When their lips touched, Alex was still surprised and with his eyes wide open, he moved his face back a little. Enough to imply that he felt fear and insecurity, but not rejection to the kiss. Zach opened his eyes, reading his friend's face. Alex's eyes looked the same as the day they were on the rooftop, right after Zach told him he wasn't into boys. God. Zach hated that expression. He wanted to erase it from his face. Alex was gorgeous and those sad and terrified eyes caused by rejection and insecurity was something Zach hated to see in those beautiful ocean eyes. The tallest one had already seen them so many times because of Jessica and because of his limp, that he couldn't bear to be himself another cause to be added.

— Zach, seriously you don't need to-

The black haired boy cupped Alex's face with his hands and brought his lips together again. A little kiss to start on familiar ground. Because fucking making out with a boy was a whole new experience to Zach too. And he was scared as shit.

This time Alex made no attempt to escape Zach's hands, even his eyes were closed, but he was still super tense. Zach slid one of his hands towards the back of the blonde's neck, stroking the hair in that area. His other hand stayed on his chin. He caresses Alex's lower lip with his thumb. Alex opened his eyes in surprise and found his friend's eyes fixed on his lips.

— Your lips are so soft ... or whatever,— Zach said. His eyes moved nervously. What was he supposed to say to his friend to get him to relax without sounding too weird? That had definitely sounded weird but he wasn't lying either. — so please relax them so I can kiss' em — He was about to finish it off with a "man" or "dude", but that would have totally killed the ambience.

Alex could sense that Zach was just as nervous as he was and the fact that he found him staring at his lips had given him a bit of confidence. He knew Zach was just doing him a favor but for some reason he felt like maybe the boy wanted to kiss him too.

If Zach could hear Alex's thoughts he would surely be proud of himself for having achieved that impression and that Alex felt wanted. The problem is, maybe he hadn't only made an impression but actually wanted to kiss his friend.

Zach felt Alex's lips relax under his touch. He raised his gaze connecting with Alex's and smiled. He leaned in again and this time it was Alex who took the first step, sucking on the lower lip of Zach.

And well, that was a fucking start.

Zach adjusted his hand to Alex's hair and reciprocated. At first they were almost shyly licking and sucking lips but it didn't take long for the kiss to intensify and the tongues to get involved.

Both boys felt themselves being consumed by an intoxicating mist that led into wilderness. Alex had already resolved his doubts the instant his mouth tasted Zach's lower lip, yet the option to stop didn't cross his mind. He didn't want to stop.

The appetite he felt in that kiss could be the result of not being kissed that way in a long time, if he had even ever been kissed that way by Jess. Because with Jessica it always felt like he wasn't enough and that the girl didn't want him that way, which turned out to be true. But right now he felt fucking wanted even knowing that Zach was just his friend and he surely didn't want him the way he was painting it on his head. The fact is, he was hungry and allowed himself to feed and fatten that fantasy.

Zach was gone, like, totally gone. He didn't know if it was due to kissing someone he clearly cared for or something, considering how many girls he had kissed in this last period of time without any feelings involved, or if he really was attracted to Alex, a boy. The truth is that that mouth was the only place where he wanted to be at that moment. His hands slid from the neck of the shorter to his shoulders, twisting his fingers in the grip. A bit of awareness landed in his brain and with difficulty he separated himself from that mouth that looked red and swollen from the intensity that the kiss had taken. His eyes were slow to open but they finally did. — I-i ... Am I helping you to-?

— Yes. — Alex didn't hesitate to interrupt and close the small space between them again, kissing him with desire. A lot more of tongue involved. Maybe Alex was being too greedy but he really didn't want to stop. And if Zach didn't want to, he just had to stop him. Things after that kiss were going to be embarrassing anyway, so why hold back? To his surprise and delight, Zach reciprocated with the same intensity, without a hint of doubt. He even grabbed Alex from his waist and pulled close to him.

At some point they ended up laying on the bed, kissing. Kisses that ranged from tongue kisses to lip licks and sucks to little kisses. Only kisses and hugs for who knows how many minutes. Not a word. It seemed that if any of them spoke all that would end and they would have no other excuse to continue doing so.

When their gazes became too intense, gazes that suggested things, sexual things, Zach freaked out. Maybe he had helped his friend to clarify doubts about his sexuality but now he was more confused than ever. — Um ... did it work man? — He asked, still lying on the bed with Alex on his arms, his heads just inches apart.

Alex could only smile by rolling his eyes a little. If Zach didn't know the answer already he must be dumb. — Wasn't the make out session kinda obvious?

— Yeah that was ... pretty intense.

— It was ...

— I can reaffirm that you're a very good kisser Alex — Zach said with a little smile, trying to break the tension, not sure if he could though. 

— Come on Zach, the first kiss was a disaster

— No it wasn't. Either this one. They were really nice actually

— Oh shut up, how am I supposed to don't want to kiss you again now?

Zach gave a little laugh and hugged him, bringing Alex's face to his chest. Alex was playing with fire. Zach took it as a joke but he knew deep inside there was truth in his friend's words. 

Funny thing was that Zach wondered exactly the same thing as Alex. 

* * *

— Okay. Wow. I'm going to rephrase the question I asked you a little while ago because that was definitely _a big deal_ ... Are you attracted to Alex?

— I dunno man.

— That's a yes.

— That's a _I dunno_ — Zach answered, looking up seriously at Justin. — And can we just talk about anything else?

— Man, look, I'm very open minded too but you don't see me kissing guys just because they ask me nicely, that's where I'm trying to go, it's ok if you do tho, but is it just that? Think well Zachy ... You don't need to label yourself if you don't want to, but don't shut up your feelings just because you don't understand them. When you don't understand something you have to listen and learn.

— Dude when did you turn into some spiritual guide or some shit like that? — Zach cackled. 

— Just life and love experience, man. — Justin smiled, making a superior funny expression. — Do you remember when you asked me for advice about your first time? — Zach nodded rolling his eyes — You actually listened to me and it worked right? Well, trust me again now.

— Ok yes. Maybe I want to make out with him again and maybe I'm fucking mad he's hanging out with that Winston boy more than he's with me. — Zach looked at the grape he had in his fingers a while ago and then at the wall. — Wow. Did I say that out loud?

Justin gave a sweet laugh. He wasn't laughing at his friend, but at the situation. — Yes you did my dude. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, we are talking.

— Fuck me. — Zach groaned, throwing the grape into the bucket, missing. He hugged his legs and lowered his face to cover it. — I need my single barrel Corlett right now.

— No, you need to talk right now. — Justin said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.

— Come one man, don't you have any whiskey in this dumpster? no offense. Some beer? Anything?

— Even if I had, that's not what you need right now. Fucking talk to me Zach.

— I'm not having fun anymore. I'm going home — Zach stood up, ready to walk to the door. Justin stopped him by grabbing his arm.

— See? That's what you keep doing to avoid your problems, man. You keep drowning into alcohol and isolating yourself. I know that's why you are hanging out with me more lately, because you're avoiding Alex. That's fucking up with you man, not resolving anything.

— Well I'm already fucked up so, — Zach shrugged and let go of Justin's grip — besides, I already said that Alex is hanging out more with that Winston guy, and that's fine.

Justin sighed and got out of bed quickly. He ran to Zach and got in his way. — Don't do that man. Listen to me. I need you to talk to me now that you're sober since it's impossible to talk to you when you aren't and you really need to put your shit together. Be better, remember?

Zach's face was a sea of conflict. Lately he hated being sober for this exact reason. People kept repeating things to him that he already knew and didn't want to hear. At least when he was drunk those words didn't go that deep and therefore didn't hurt, that much. — Fuck you.

Zach evaded Justin and started walking toward the door. His eyes contained tears and pain. He really needed his whiskey.

— Actually fuck you, Zach. I'm just trying to help you. Keep spiralling and not only you'll be more fucked up but you'll end up alone. Because I understand you don't give a shit about me anymore or whatever but what about Alex? You're pulling him away too man.

Zach paused for a few seconds without turning around. His body seemed tense. — I don't- ... I give a shit about him ... maybe that's the exact reason why I'm pulling him away, because I'm fucked up and he doesn't need someone like me around.

Justin widened his eyes. Now he had no doubts. Zach had feelings for Alex. He reacted when he heard the bedroom door slam shut. — What the fuck Za- ... Shit. — His words remained in the air. His friend was more fucked up than he thought.


	2. Is it better to speak or to die?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> placed on Valentine's day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys asked me for a second part. I'm more of a OS guy but I did my best with this hehe. Promise it has a happy ending

Zach was at his locker, looking for the novel he was reading for French class. He'd had a shitty last few weeks. Chaotic. Everything seemed to come downhill in his life. And even if he seemed to not give a shit, when night came and the alcohol he had drunk in the day began to disappear from his system, all the shit fell together like a cargo truck on him. Most nights he just let himself cry to sleep. 

Justin was right when he told him that he was going to end up more screwed up and lonely. He had been to the police station three times this week and twice in detention at school. His group of friends only addressed him to scold and lecture him. Justin hadn't spoken to him since the day he argued with him in his room. He hadn't answered Chloe's messages for weeks and had been avoiding her all summer. And Alex ... Since what had happened in Alex's room everything had gotten a little weird and Zach just took a little distance. He did reply to his messages, but he was avoiding him most of the time. Of all people, he was terrified of losing Alex, but his brain, which was sober for a small portion of the day, took longer to process what he felt. Plus he kept what he said to Justin. He was so fucked up and Alex just didn't need someone like him around him. He had seen Alex spending more and more time with the new boy and Tyler. Zach should feel good about that, since it's what he was looking for, but the truth was, he felt like the only good thing in his life was being taken away from him. And he was so tired of life taking away everything that made him happy.

— We could do something? Like the two of us? — Zach heard, amid the din in the hallway, the voice of the new kid, Winston. His gaze immediately went to the source of the sound. And as soon as he saw what he expected to see, he returned his gaze to the locker. Of course he was with Alex. And of course he was asking him out, it was fucking Valentine's day. Zach had been in denial but it was pretty obvious that the relationship between Alex and Tyler wasn't the same as the relationship between Alex and Winston. It wasn't just friendship.

Seconds later he heard a nervous Alex accepting and just kept going. Not even noticing his presence, which was unlikely since Zach wasn't necessarily a small person and his black long coat didn't go unnoticed either. Zach felt his heart clench a bit despite feeling that he deserved it. After all, he had been avoiding Alex lately too.

* * *

Zach had had another shitty day to add to his list. He had heard how a boy he barely knew asked Alex, his best friend for whom, yes, he had feelings that were more than platonic. He had argued with Justin again, Chloe kept asking about him and he kept ignoring her, he had had lunch with random people, like he was doing for weeks, he had hit Clay and now he was going to the damn Valentine's party, surely to get drunk with something that he himself would lead and end up with a girl he wouldn't even remember her face the next day.

He was laying on his bed, with his cell phone on his stomach, finding the strength to get up and at least take a bath before going to the party. Zach liked parties, there was always alcohol and music and that had the placebo effect he needed to forget his problems. He hadn't missed a single one since last summer. However this party was at school so there would surely be zero alcohol. He was seriously thinking about not going and just getting drunk on what he had at home without the added bonus of fear of being caught by the gorillas and calling his mother for inappropriate behavior. Zach smiled. A bitter smile. As if they were going to find their mother at home. The woman had been away on business for almost a week and hadn't even bothered to call to check if he or May were okay.

He took his gaze to his desk where he kept his bottle of Corlett. Next to it, was a novel he had been reading for his French class. The same one he had taken from his locker this morning. The Heptaméron by Marguerite de Navarre. One of the 72 tales was resonating in his head lately. One about a prince and a princess who had a wonderful friendship. The prince was in love with her but he was too afraid to speak up because he was afraid to lose her friendship.

— Vaut-il mieux parler ou mourir? — Zach quoted by heart, whispering, staring at the ceiling of his room. «Is it better to speak or to die? »

The prince in the end didn't speak, he fudged. But what about him? Zach had been on the run all his life from people he had had a romantic interest in and their problems in general. He was still doing it to this day. He was a coward because every time he found happiness in something, life took it from him, leaving him alone with unhappiness. And his life just seemed to go to hell as the days go by.

Zach had repeated the conversation he'd had with Justin over and over. And Zach had managed to accept, mildly, that he felt things for Alex. It was foolish to keep denying himself. Would he be able to speak when the time came?

The screen of his cell phone suddenly lit up, pulling him out of his thoughts. He took it expecting to see a message from Chloe that he would ignore again or from one of the people he was partying with to notify him of an upcoming meeting. What he saw was a message from Alex.

< Dude, are you going to the dance? Would you pick me up?  
< My mum's using the car

Well, that was enough to get him to his feet, ready to go and take a shower. The strength he needed.

< Sure man. See ya in 20

He hadn't been with Alex since the day in his room. And as much as Zach had tried to push him away because he felt he wasn't good enough to Alex, he really needed to spend time with him. He just need Alex.

Zach showered, put on his ripped jeans, his black shirt, his leather jacket, and his black boots. A little perfume, his flask so as not to lose the habit, and his cell phone. In a few minutes he was in front of the Standalls' house with his Audi.

When he saw Alex opening and closing the door of his house, he found himself looking in the rear view mirror, checking that his hair was in order or something. When he realized what he was doing, he could have sworn he blushed. This was exactly what he feared. Now that he had accepted to feel things for Alex, he was going to start behaving weird, he knew himself. He needed to behave. It's not like Alex was his Valentine or else. They were going to the party as friends.

Alex opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat. — Hey.

— Hey man. You look gooood — Zach joked, although there was clear truth in his words. Alex looked gorgeous. He was all in black. His black shirt, his black barn coat, his black jeans and his black boots. It suited him well. Zach didn't see him very well in the dark of the night, but he was sure it contrasted perfectly with his white skin, blond hair, and blue eyes.

— Thanks ... I guess, — Alex answered, pulling Zach out of his thoughts. The taller one blinked, realizing that he was noticing things about Alex that he had never paid so much attention to before.

— Yeah you too Zach. — Zach said to divert the way to where his own thoughts were going, pretending to have a conversation with himself — Thanks I know, Im naturally handsome, what can you expect?

Alex rolled his eyes, laughing. He put on his seat belt — Sometimes I wonder how I'm even friends with you.

— Because of my inelectably charming.

— It's _ineluctably_ , Zach.

— Oh come on Alex give me a win, I was trying to sound smart — Zach laughed, giving him a little bump on the arm.

— Ok. Let's go, smart prince charming.

— Whatever — Zach almost whispered and Alex could see out of the corner of his eye the smile on his face as he turned on the Audi. He was actually blushing. That made Alex smile himself, Zach could be cute too.

Zach could only remember the story of the prince and princess. Maybe he was a prince charming, but he didn't want to be the prince of the tale. Not this time.

* * *

Since the boys had arrived at the party, they had been in one of the stands watching the other couples dance. Alex looked a little lost in his thoughts, uneasy. And not that Alex was much of a talkative person but he was quieter than usual. And Zach was starting to get itchy with anxiety and the urge to drink from the flask of whiskey in his jacket. Zach didn't expect him to be on a date with Alex or something like that, but he didn't expect to be like this either. Alex was physically next to him but his head was clearly not there. What was the point of Alex telling him to go to the party to be in the stands without even speaking? That's when Zach saw Winston in the crowd, taking photos. And Zach might not be the smartest person in the world, but he was smart enough to realize that Alex was uneasy exactly because of that. He was looking for Winston.

— So, remind me, why two cripples are at a dance? — Zach asked, trying to get his friend to talk, or something. Maybe a little angry that Alex had used him as a driver to come to check on the new boy.

— Can you stop being a dick for two seconds?

Zach didn't mean to be a dick saying that. But now he really didn't see the point in coming. Zach had come just because Alex had written to him but if Alex wasn't with him it had no sense being there. At least at the other parties he use to go, there is alcohol without discretion and zero rules.

— It's our last semester. We should be doing highschool shit.

— Hmm well in that case — Zach finally took out his flask of whiskey and took a sip. His head was just thinking "bullshit, you're here just for that new kid". — You want some? — he asked out of habit although he already knew the answer.

— No. I'm good — Alex rolled his eyes. He got up from the stands and started down onto the dance floor.

Great Zach. Now he really had screwed up and Alex would run to meet Winston. Zach freaked out and without thinking he ran after the blond one, placing himself in front of him and blocking his way — Dude. Whoa. Where are you going ?. Stop!

— Ditching you. You're kind of cramping my style — Alex's voice didn't sound annoyed but was clearly not amused.

Zach didn't blame him. He must have been sick of hearing him say nonsense shit and drink. Sometimes Zach would like to be a little more like Alex. Not being a coward and having what he was really feeling come out of his mouth and not just shit that made him sound like a jerk. However, he didn't want to let Alex go. He can't. He was tired of pushing him away and handing him to the new guy on a golden platter. — What? ... Are you serious?

— Yes, you'll be fine. Go work that ... Dempsey magic.

Zach could see Alex smile as he said that and for some reason that gave him the boost of strength he needed.

— Oh. You mean a little of this Dempsey magic? — He said, doing a salsa dance step instead although the music that was playing wasn't salsa, taking Alex's hand and pulling him towards him. Alex's face looked surprised but amused at the same time. Zach took him by the waist with his other hand and pulled him towards him.

Zach might have his leg still screwed but his dance moves were still intact. No one resisted his Dempsey magic. That made Alex roll his eyes with his typical "you are unbelievable" smile. Zach loved that smile.

Zach pulled Alex even closer to him and the smile the blonde had on his face faded a bit. Alex was using some force to loosen his grip, probably thinking that Zach would release him as quickly as he had taken him. — Zach this is embarrassing.

— I think we are over that phase Alex. — Zach smiled, making a clear allusion to what had happened in Alex's room days ago. — Come on, you need to feel the Dempsey Magic yourself — Zach tried to make Alex move his hips a bit but the boy was completely rigid.

— Ok, that was enough Dempsey magic for today. — Alex said trying to sound serious. Zach still hadn't let him go but that tone voice made the taller one stop forcing him to dance.

— Why the rush to ditch me dude? Weren't you the one saying we should be enjoying high school shit? ... Do you have a date and you didn't tell me? — Zach asked even though he already knew the answer.

— What if i had?, why does it surprise you?

— I'm not surprised at all, that's why I'm asking you. — Zach believes Alex was the most handsome guy in the dance floor so he'd definitely have every guy or girl he wants.

Alex was silent for a few seconds as he looked at Zach. The taller one noticed the conflict on his face. They were the kind of friends who told each other everything even though they had been a bit estranged lately. And Alex hadn't told Zach about Winston, although he had to be foolish not to notice. Even Justin, before he knew that Alex liked boys, had already noticed. Zach watched as Alex was searching for the words to tell him, but Zach didn't want to hear it. He really didn't want to hear that the boy he liked was already dating someone.

— Would you be my Valentine then? — Those words came out of Zach's mouth with the same tonality as his hot banters but the truth is that he couldn't believe that he had asked him that for real, because it is exactly what was spinning in his head since Alex had written him the message. Zach wanted to be Alex's Valentine and be able to kiss him again, but at the same time he was terrified of losing Alex his best friend, he didn't want to lose him.

— Ok, yes, i think you drunk too much.

— This? This isn't drunk, you know when I'm drunk, baby — Zach managed to spin Alex in his place, smiling.

— Now a pet name? Zach what the hell. Okay. Stop already. People are watching.

— Let them. We are dancing at a dance. We don't own anyone anything. We can finally show our dance skills to the public. — Zach made his last attempt, winking at him, alluding to when they had slow danced in Alex's room. However Alex was already getting upset and Zach had noticed. He released his hold however his hands were still on the blonde one.

— Whatever Zach, I really don't feel like dancing. You were the one saying why are two cripples at a dance.

«Is it better to speak or to die? » Echoed in Zach's head.

Zach wasn't going to let Alex go. Not this time.

— Well maybe I don't feel like dancing either.

— Fine. Then just- — Alex removed himself from Zach's arms but the taller one pulled him back to him.

— I rather be kissing you. — He whispered in his ear. And Zach was surprised at himself more than Alex was surprised to hear it. And Alex was very surprised.

— What?

— What? — Zach repeated. His face wore a smile that Alex misunderstood.

— Ok, stop Zach, I really feel uncomfortable joking about that right now.

Zach cursed himself. That's what happened because of him for doing hot banters so often, even before he knew Alex was attracted to him. Now, Alex couldn't take him seriously. — Look I just wanna have more Zach and Alex time. You're spending more time with that Winston guy than with me and-

— Well ... we're kind of dating, — Alex said quickly. Interrupting. Lowering his gaze and taking a step back, a little embarrassed.

Zach really would have preferred not to hear that. He already knew but didn't want to hear it from Alex's mouth. — I don't wanna lose you. — he continued, as if Alex hadn't interrupted him.

— You're not going to lose me. We are best friends Zach.

— Exactly, friends. Look man, I'm so fucking tired of pretending

— Pretending what? — Alex was very confused at the time. Zach seemed to be honest for a few seconds and joking for others. Alex needed to forget his crush on Zach and Winston was helping him a lot. He really liked Winston, they had even kissed for the first time that afternoon that day, and he had been wanting to kiss him again since they left bowling. But now all he wanted was to kiss Zach like they had done in his room. What the fuck was wrong with him?

— Pretending we didn't make out in your room some days ago. Pretending I didn't feel anything. I'm tired of pretending i don't wanna kiss you again. — Zach said with a serious voice. He needed Alex to believe him because for the first time he was being honest with himself and with the person he liked. Alex eyes were widened and his mouth speechless. Zach took Alex's hands and looked him in the eye. — Aren't you tired of pretending? — because deep inside him, Zach knew Alex wanted him as much as he wanted Alex, even if he genuinely likes Winston, Zach was who he really wants.

— Yes — was the only thing that came out of the blonde's lips.

A half smile formed on Zach's lips — Do you wanna get out of here?

Alex nods. Zach takes him by the hand and leads him away.

* * *

Alex pushed Zach eagerly against the vending machine in the hallway and kissed him hard. All the desire he had held back since the day they kissed in his room. Zach reciprocated with the same enthusiasm. Alex's lips were definitely more effective than any whiskey to forget the shit that was going around in his head every day. When he was kissing Alex his world took on colors and shapes that he couldn't see in the darkness of his problems.

Zach wrapped Alex around the waist and pulled him close. Their bodies were on each other that they could even feel the other's erratic breathing rhythm. The kiss was hungry and a little bit of a mess. Their mouths seemed to be abstinent from each other.

The taller one was able to confirm again that Alex's lips were not only pretty but that they were soft and very kissable.

Alex's hands were on Zach's shoulders and his fingers twitched at the sensation, tightening the area. His lips and tongues had met with nostalgia, but what he missed the most was sucking and licking those lips of Zach. Zach's lips tasted like a mix of whiskey and cherries. A sweet but strong flavor. It was delicious. Zach was delicious himself and he just wanted to taste him from head to toe.

Maybe Alex got a little too carried away because when he wanted to return to reality his pants were tight and he could feel how Zach was smiling into the kiss. The taller one was surprised, cutting off the kiss a bit, but laughing at the same time. — Woah wow i'm having a Deja vu right know

The shorter one was ashamed of himself. Separating a little from Zach, although he didn't move his hands from his waist. — Shit, shit. Sorry. Should we stop?

— No. — Zach pulled him closer to him and attacked his mouth again. Zach had never thought of Alex in a sexual way. It was undeniable that he loved kissing him but thinking of something else with him was another story. Even the day in Alex's bedroom when the air became sexually tense and Alex's eyes were glassy he freaked out and kind of ended anything that might be going on. But now for some reason it hadn't bothered him at all that Alex had a fucking erection for him. What's more, it had even made him a bit horny too.

Alex kind of moaned when Zach grabbed his ass and he was so embarassed he had to stop the kiss and hide his face in Zach's neck. He was smiling though. Zach smiled too. At that moment they felt a door close in the hall, pulling them out of their thoughts. Zach hugged Alex tighter to hide behind the machine.

Alex looked down the hall but saw nothing. Then he looked at Zach concerned — Shit. That must be Winston. He surely followed us and saw us. I was supposed to be with him now. What if he tells anyone? I'm so sorry. I should have talked to him before-

Zach silenced him with a kiss. Zach, unlike Alex, looked totally unconcerned. — Please don't be sorry. This is the first time I'm not. — Actually Zach brought Alex there because he didn't know if he feel comfortable with people knowing, but him? Winston can tell everybody and Zach still doesn't care. He actually wanted to dance and kiss Alex on the dance floor. He stopped caring about a lot of stuff a while ago and once he's allowing himself to do something that makes him happy he's not going to hold back just because other people. Not this time. He did that mistake with Hannah and life took her from him, he won't allow that same thing happen with Alex. He almost lost him once as a friend and as a person itself, he was not going to lose him as a lover.

Alex hugged him tightly. He felt a happiness in his chest that he had never felt with anyone before. Zach's arms were where he always wanted to be because he felt safe and loved there. And now Zach himself had confirmed it. Zach wanted him back. 

— I'm so fucking happy right now Zach.

— I know. I'm too. — Zach answered, taking Alex's face with his hands and giving him little kisses on the lips. Zach's life might be fucked up but the fact that Alex was telling him that, made it all worthwhile. Alex, the boy who tried to commit suicide because he felt guilt, sadness and that his life wasn't worth it. Alex who cried and repeated that he was a piece of shit so many times when they used to have PT sessions together. That Alex, now he was saying that he was happy. Zach was so proud of the boy and so happy that he had been the person who had accompanied him on this journey of self-love.

Alex noticed how tears came to Zach's eyes and his face was a little alarmed. — Zach what-? — was the only thing he could say as his fingers slid over the tallest's wet cheeks.

— Shit. Sorry. I'm just ... You are ... Agh — Zach made a sound of frustration because he couldn't put his words in order. Zach wanted to tell Alex that he was his only source of happiness in his life lately and that he didn't want to lose him. That he felt selfish for dragging him into his shit when Alex was finally coming off his own shit but that he was willing to change for him. He wanted to be better. But if he couldn't do it for himself, he was going to do it for Alex.

Alex caressed him and as if he had heard what Zach had on his mind, smiled and kissed him. A soft kiss but full of emotions.

Zach finally put himself together and laughed as he wiped his eye. He pecked Alex's mouth a bit and said — Do you wanna stay at my place tonight? You know just to, like, hangout or ... whatever?

— Does the whatever part includes making out? Because if that's the case I'm in.

— It includes whatever you want to do.

— Don't test me Dempsey ...

— Why not?

— Because this cripple kid can surprise you.

— Oh ... I wanna see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was kinda shitty but I hope you like it and please drop comments with your opinion if you want ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it and please drop comments with your opinion if you want ♥


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